At the time, I wanted to be tortured. I was coerced against my will at first, but then, I began to crave it. Never to reach satisfaction, lost in the moment, left wanting more, but having to wait, being made submissive. It became habit. I enjoyed it. I needed it. It balanced me. Offered a vacation from myself. Or however we are justifying it today.
Now, I just want to be treated properly. To be loved right. The way I need to be. And I have it. And I appreciate it. Relief. Comfort. Home. Safety. Love. Mmmmm, so cozy, and just what I need right now. Healthy. But what is healthy? After all, there's nothing like a little pain to keep lungs breathing and heart pumping. In moderation.
Not health. Want. Changing, evolving, cycles of wants.
A self proclaimed feminist with an occasional guilty pleasure of submission. Interesting. Aren't we? A reverse taboo.
Abstract thoughts, abstract words.
If I confess my sins to the criminal court, do you think I can get out of jury duty? I'll just put a hand on my forehead, and rapturously exclaim, "mister judge, put me to justice!" Like a sluttier version of Scarlett O'Hara. Then lick his gavel, for effect.
2:51 p.m. - 2007-12-28