I keep dreaming of dead people. Dead bodies in the streets and sidewalks, under awnings, or on the side of the road. Fatalities that haven't been cleaned up or removed yet. I see the body and think to myself, 'why hasn't anything been done about that yet?" The police always seem really slow to respond and unaffected by the fact that there is clearly a dead body lying on the ground in plain view.
I am thinking these fatalities somehow represent my ex. That relationship is dead, but he is visible in my life again, and I've been letting that lifeless love hang around without doing much about it, choosing only to look away when it disturbs me, without properly disposing of it.
I had a less morbid dream about my deceased papa last night. He was at a distance, waving to me. We smiled, shouting to each other. "I miss you! I'm so happy to see you again! How have you been doing?" I don't remember what he said to me exactly, but it was all warm and loving compliments. There wasn't sorrow really. It was a joyful reunion and exchanging of genuine words. I was aware in my dream that he was dead, and I think I was aware too that I was dreaming. Nonetheless I felt that he had chosen to visit me, to check in, to let me know he still cares and to give me an opportunity to tell him again that he mattered, that I love him, and that I am so happy he was my papa, and to be able to carry someone like him in my mind for as long as I live.
3:59 p.m. - 2012-10-25