In the past year I did a lot of cleaning out of people and things that were detrimental to my life. And it's worked wonders. I've steered clear of an on/off romance with an alcoholic & I've been single for months now! * pats self on back *
I've earned myself some inner peace in the process of creating stern boundaries with mean people. And I've been pretty much nonstop working on myself, reading all the books, talking with people, etc. Not to say there aren't bumps in the road at times but overall I feel a HUGE IMPROVEMENT from where I was even just 6 months ago, and even more compared with a year or two ago when I was a lovesick grief-consumed pile of sad. I'm really thankful to not feel trapped like that anymore.
Now my biggest problems aren't in my personal life but are at least limited to outside annoyances like catcalling and online sexual harassment. The former is pretty awful where I live, and lets just say I can't even pump gas and drive out of town without 3 dumbasses yelling like toddlers at me and scaring the absolute shit out of me on a regular basis. BUT, I'll be moving soon to a calmer region, so I don't feel that this is a situation I'll need to suffer with for much longer, and I've taken steps to cut down on the internet trolls too, so we good.
Anyways, I'm back here again because I read a pretty inspiring study about the effect of positive thinking on PHYSICAL health, and I'm sold:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-clear/positive-thinking_b_3512202.html
I don't intend to stop my journey of healing, even though things are pretty good now, because I never want to return to the misery I suffered with before! So all these efforts I've made to change my life have become part of my routine. I think we all require regular maintenance, otherwise we can get passively sucked up into a whole lot of pain. I did all this myself with almost no emotional support, but after having gotten into better habits with self compassion, I can clearly see that its not that I had no available support in my network, I was just looking for support in the wrong people & places. And also trying to reason with not-nice people when it turned out to be better to just let those relationships go.
So now I'm gonna see if I can use this diary thing for the sole purpose of experimenting with writing about positive experiences like the people did in the study, cause, I can't really see any downside in doing so.
So here goes...
I've had a lot of super incredible experiences in my relatively short life. They vary a lot thematically but I'll start with some of the more crazy ones because they're the most fun to remember. It's actually hard to narrow down which to start with.
Ok here's one. It's probably not 1st place on my list but it's somewhere near the top. (I'll save the best for last to keep you hanging!)
So this one day, I went with a couple new friends (now friends for life) to a pride celebration. I was semi recently out of a verbally abusive relationship with a dude who had a major insecurity about me being bisexual. So maybe I had a bit of rebelling to do with my new found freedom, and rebel I did. As the day wore on, more new friends joined our little girl gang, and these friends brought friends too, and before I knew it we were all at my place for an impromptu party on my roof with some whiskey. After some hours of fun and silliness, clothes started coming off. Everyone was SO into it and eventually all of us were naked and dancing around, totally free in ourselves and our bodies. Then some of us started making out till everyone was making out with everyone on a big pile on my bed. It was a surprise orgy composed of all bisexual women and wow I had never been so aroused in my entire life! We all pinky swore to remain friends after that evening, and while some of us went on to share more romantic moments with each other and some not, we all remained friends, and very close ones at that. I sometimes wonder if we'd have had the same bond if that event hadn't happened. I feel like it's a fun secret that we all share that keeps us forever bonded in a way that is a little different than with other friends. I'm very fond of that. It's like being part of a super secret coven, and in fact, we decided that's what we were, and the concept stuck and has lasted for many years now. It still makes me smile to think about.
12:12 p.m. - 2018-09-23