I fell for his nonsense again. I'm going to resist the urge to beat myself up about it and instead get some rest and wake up tomorrow and workworkworkworkworkworkwork and when he realizes his error and comes crawling back (again, like clockwork) I will remember not to give time to a literal turd who doesn't make time for me. Thank goodness I didn't sleep with him this time! All his erratic behavior has at least managed to make me completely disinterested sexually, not just in him, but in men in general. I just feel like I could make better use of my time working on myself instead of working on trying to get someone else to understand my desires and basic needs in life when its very clear that I can do that for myself better than anyone else, and they're holding me back from that.
Its infuriating how selfish and emotionally stunted men are. Literally just a couple days ago a strange man grabbed my arm while walking a couple blocks home at 7 pm. The entitlement... It's disgusting. They're like this, whether outside in the streets or inside my bed. All lacking something important in the brain. I can't connect with someone like this. I can't respect someone like this. If I could learn to tune out the hollow apologies a little faster I'd be able to stay on track without manterruption.
I was doing so well, socializing regularly with my favorite friends, exercising, doing all my hobbies.. I'm so pissed I let him throw me off course for even a second. I'm tired of men wasting my precious time, then turning around and very suddenly disappearing for literally the stupidest reasons. Then coming back to waste more of my time. I'M SO TIRED OF IT!
Tomorrow I reboot. I turn the page and start where I left off before he barged in and annoyed me for 2 weeks straight acting like he owns me and my home. Fuck that! It's so gross I even permitted that. Literally why? I didn't enjoy it. Clearly I don't want sex. Did I really just allow all that disruption to my healthy life just so he'd make me breakfast? There's such a thing as delivery and it doesn't treat you like shit afterward.
Onward again.
8:47 p.m. - 2019-02-26