Yesterday my dearest friend and I took to nature and played all day like kids, as all adults should. I'm so grateful she exists.
Today I'm socially fulfilled, even though my heart still burns in hate for Onoff. I must accept and face my pain and anger for awhile, as much as I despise it. I've essentially permitted myself to be emotionally bullied for years, so recovery isn't going to happen in a day. But my coping skills are VERY noticeably stronger than a year ago. All I need to do is let time heal me and stay the hell away from men. They're just not for me, and that's okay. My life is too important to fuck around with any of that anymore.
I won't be suffering much longer before my estrogen high returns and thoughts of him disappear again like they always do. The pain is nothing like it was before. The wounds became callouses. And soon those too will fade and I'll be free of male tyranny, hopefully once and for all.
Come to think of it, there's always a direct correlation between health problems and whether or not I'm seeing a man. I really doubt that's a coincidence. Men aren't healthy for me to be around. It's a good thing I've developed such a serious aversion to them.
Just gotta keep gracefully moving forward, like I always do, and using the bad energy as my battery pack to do the exact opposite of what destructive people want. I can thank them later for unknowingly contributing to my motivation and good character.
4:27 p.m. - 2019-03-31