It's true that I aim to be loving and kind, and I think I'm perceived as a people pleaser even though I think it's not for the reasons people think. I'm an empath, so, I'm only really happy when the people around me are happy. So if they seem like they're sad or insecure, and they're in my general vicinity, I'm likely to be kind to them. I don't know why I would be anything other than kind. I like that about me. I'm loving.
The only annoying part is how that can be misunderstood. Something I will never understand, is why people seem to almost always assume I'm looking for sex when I actually have no sex drive. They also assume I want to marry them or date them when I'm pretty much doing everything I can to avoid that. I don't go out anymore because men annoy me. I changed my entire sleep schedule so that I'm not awake during bar hours to avoid them. I complain pretty much constantly (in private) about men. Yet SOMEHOW they assume I want to date them all. I don't know if it's because other women are throwing themselves at them so they think all women are like that, or, if they mistake my smile for something more than a smile.
Like, the guy I didn't think was cute anymore is grieving, so I didn't tell him he's not cute. I don't recall talking about anything other than trees and very non sexual stuff until he started telling me I'm beautiful and reaching his arm around me and asked me to suck his dick. I do recall saying just about everything I could think of to avoid having sex. Then a week goes by no contact, so I'm like whew, good, dodged a bullet. But then he messages me on my birthday about how he's sorry but he has a girlfriend and hopes we can still be friends?
Wait, what? I don't remember texting him even once. HE initiated, HE said he wanted to kiss me, HE was trying to get with me. Then he flips the script as if I was begging to marry him and he feels the need to tell me he's a cheater I guess. I don't get it. I respect the honesty but, why did he assume all that based on me literally ignoring him completely?
I'd let it go but my friend ALSO assumed recently that I'm looking for sex, although she assumed I was looking for sex with a woman. That's an upgrade, but, I'M NOT LOOKING. Wtf people.
WHY has it always been so hard for people to understand that I enjoy socializing, I love connecting with humans, I love making them feel good about themselves, but I'm definitely not motivated by sex. They're probably projecting because that's their motivation, and that weirds me out too. Is everyone nice only because they want sex? Is everyone that shallow??
Anyway, that's why I stopped shaving in recent years. It's the only way I can think of to demonstrate that although I love to dress nice and be nice, my body is free of any desire to shave for you.
So now there's another different guy after me and he's nice but maybe not the smartest. And I'd probably have fun chatting occasionally but eventually I should warn him that I'm hairy so we don't have to go through all this again because he's most likely circumcised (ho hum) and he's a guy so he's already a little annoying and unintuitive and pesty, and oh yeah, because I DON'T WANT SEX.
Ugh why did I leave my house last week. ONE NIGHT and all these dudes are clawing at my apron. None of this would be happening if I just never left my house.
5:32 a.m. - 2019-10-08