I don't know, it rhymed?
Today and every day I'm grateful for meditation and gratitude lists and sobriety. I was never much of a drinker, but I had a hard time saying no when men deliberately tried to get me drunk to sleep with me, because I felt like I needed the social aspect, but being sober now, I plainly see that men are totally wrong for the kinds of friendships I want, and real friends care about my health enough to not be aggressive toward my liver. And my stoner life was brief, but became a pattern before I realized how depressed it was actually making me to join a stoner boyfriend's daily habits.
I am grateful that I don't wake up feeling intensely trapped and miserable every morning. I look forward to things again like I used to. When men gaslight me or interrupt or mansplain or yell or follow me or stress me out with drunk texts or other nonsense, I step away and meditate. I step away for as long as I need. With some men, I step away for months or years because sometimes I need that much time to think and weigh the pros and cons. I have come to realize that putting frequent distance between myself and men is more beneficial to me than the way I used to love. Maybe I don't love men anymore, but I've shifted that depth of love inward. I am grateful for me!
I am so grateful I live alone!
I'm grateful I survived. I'm grateful for my body, my limbs, my fingers, toes, eyes, ears, senses, dreams, thoughts. I'm grateful for my ability to sleep easily and soundly, which sadly isn't common according to my informal survey of friends. I'm grateful for my genetics. I got lucky in a lot of ways. I'm so grateful for the roof over my head, for warmth and food, and for my sanity. I'm thankful for my inner strength and determination to never let the bastards win by defeating my spirit or changing my core values. I'm grateful to be my age, and for life experience.
I'm grateful for my education and I want to honor it by no longer letting men try to make me feel bad by lashing out in immature ways when they can't keep up intellectually. I can't BELIEVE I've spent so long dumbing myself down for men without intellectual curiosity, or deliberately avoiding talking about things I'm expert in. There's no honor in that. I vow to myself to rise above my conditioning as a woman to cater to fragile egos.
I'm grateful for the sun and stars and ocean and mountains and trees and birds and butterflies. I'm grateful for all the magic little mysteries of the universe. I'm grateful for the divine feminine in me and all of us. I'm grateful to be breathing. Grateful for a new day, a new year, and all the new adventures that await.
8:06 a.m. - 2020-02-01