Stressed today. I have pain in my stomach from worrying about the Alcoholic. I really wish I went no-contact before quarantine. I'll do some yoga and extra meditation today and drink up all my tinctures so I can cope with his neverending drama. Dude really nails himself to a crucifix and then cries about it. I've lost all empathy. I quit! I want to go no contact now but I feel like shit because his birthday is in two days and he might be homeless in two weeks. If he had listened to me he wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. I don't deserve to feel guilty or responsible for his fuckups. But I just don't need a suicide on my conscience -- That's my number one fear.
I keep having lesbian dreams. That's probably not coincidental. In my dream, after the romance ended and I was alone again I was like, sigh, they always slip through my fingers. But I was aware that it's because I don't follow up and I never make the first move. I'd need to be physically hunted down to be loved. And even then I'd probably demand space or be scared off. And I am okay with that. I became this way for a reason. But I know it makes people feel rejected. It's the only downside to protecting my energy.
Happy memories:
Running through the museum being silly with friends. I'm starting to miss my friends.
Today's affirmation:
I only need to focus on myself and my actions. I don't need to worry about anything else.
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
feeling like it's my responsibility to save everyone, instead of letting them experience the natural consequences of their actions
I am grateful for:
coffee, pets, my little home, my abilities, my love of learning, change, adaptability, yoga, dance, music, meditation, sleep, good food, plants and herbs, friends, memories, the sky, oxygen, wildflowers, brick buildings, pyramids, divine feminine energy
The person I am becoming will experience more:
Freedom from trying to help alcoholics. I am not a rehabilitation program for men!
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
do yoga and meditate.
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
lucky
9:04 a.m. - 2020-05-19