I was in a productive creative trance the last couple days, focusing all my energy on real physical things and totally ignored the internet, and that worked out very well for me. I even felt happy.
Of course I broke the spell by checking social media this morning, and have felt weird ever since. I've tried keeping my stomach full, tried yoga, music, reading, chocolate, and caffeine, but nothing really shook the unhealthy low vibes from even a short dose of social media. Even 8 hours later, I still feel the residual bad energy clinging. I'm trying kava now. And journaling, to see if any of the source of this unease is coming from me or something I'm not addressing.
I haven't talked to the Alcoholic in almost a week, which was a very good thing, but now maybe I'm beginning to feel sad about it? I'm okay alone too though. I'm not sure I have the energy to cope with his problems right now, or anyone's.
I need to do another round of cooking for the coming week. I'm not feeling terribly inspired to cook at present.
Maybe tomorrow.
Laughing helps me a lot. I think I'll try to find something funny. I could use some medicinal humor. If nothing else works I guess I'll just accept that it's an off day and do better tomorrow by not fucking checking social media like a dummy. There are times when I can, and times when I can't. I think I should take just a few more days off from it. It's healthier for me right now. White people still aren't done saving the planet from racism lol. Sigh. Oh well. There are certainly worse problems. It gives me lots of quality time to create. I am fully in charge of what I choose to let my brain consume.
Happy memories:
sitting on my nana's lap while she told incredible stories about our ancestors. Being at my grandparents houses. Talking with them. Their love. I miss them so much. But I'm grateful they existed and that I had them when I needed them most. Aaaand here come the tears. There we go. Maybe this is what I needed to do.
Today's affirmation:
I am chill.
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
social media. again. why do I do this.
I am grateful for:
this diary. It helps. Also my bed that gave a splendid view of fireworks. And my animal roommates, as always.
The person I am becoming will experience more:
full acceptance of any and all emotions that may arise
I accomplished:
napped, meditated, journaled, did yoga
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
just breathe. Not every day is perfect. It's not supposed to be.
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
that I am on the right track.
8:26 p.m. - 2020-07-05