I feel shitty but I'm just going to embrace it. I'm going to choose to be grateful.
It's better to feel uncomfortable because a person is gone than uncomfortable because a person is with you.
I'm grateful for the silence.
I'm grateful for the absence of that certain kind of anxiety you can only have when you have a mentally unstable person in your house. Ah what a familiar feeling!
It's ok. I have a fridge full of vegetables I need to prepare before they expire so I can't sit around feeling bad for too long. Or, I can feel bad while chopping a lot of vegetables.
I feel shitty, but I am also really relieved to finally have some breathing room. I think I definitely prefer missing him, than him being here and stressing me out constantly. I really ought to just commit to being alone, forever... Or a long, long while.
Now that I'm finally alone I don't know what to do with myself exactly. What did I do before? I guess I did a lot of making my apartment beautiful as a form of relaxation. And reading topics that fully absorb my interest. And smooshing clay into vases and incense burners. And cooking desserts! Without a diabetic in the house, I can do that again.
Onward.
7:02 p.m. - 2020-08-19