I hoped I was rid of him, at least for a few days, and I was just starting to emotionally recover into my healthy habits again when he surprise-messaged me from an unknown number on whatsapp. He found a job! The bad news? Supposedly, his social security card is in my house. So I tore apart the whole house and every single box in every closet looking for the fucking thing because he can't remember where it is because, if you hadn't noticed, his life is a mess, and mine is too whenever he comes around.
So now my house looks like it was hit by a hurricane and next he messages me asking for a blanket because its cold outside. Motherfucker is facing the consequences of his drunk aggression, he doesn't want a blanket, he wants me to pity him so I'll take him in again. I am fresh out of fucks, in fact, I am furious. This fucking idiot is doing to me exactly what my brother did, and exactly what my mother did. The self martyrdom. The ohhh you're the ONLY PERSON ON THIS PLANET WHO CAN POSSIBLY SAVE ME bullshit, again. Where are all his drinking buddies? Where was he all the times I needed him? My finger is still permanently disfigured from that time he broke it. And I have emotional scars from the abortion incident which he made as painful as fucking possible for me. I am PISSED and I want to be left the hell alone. I don't care if he's cold, I don't care anymore, I am finished being his 24-hr one-woman non-profit organization the duration of this entire shitshow of a relationship. Fuck. I wanted fucking out 8 months ago. I was doing GREAT without him. Everything went to shit the moment he came back and now I'm stressed all over again and my small apartment is overflowing with his crap and I'm being bombarded by texts and calls all day playing treasure hunt looking for his bullshit because he manages his life worse than a child would. Would I like to be doing literally anything else than being bothered by this asshole? Yes.
I'm angry! I'm fully acknowledging my feelings. Feeling perpetually sorry for him only makes me a slave to his constant need to be rescued. A grown ass fucking man. I gave him an address to help him. He threw it in the trash because he'd prefer to mooch off me and grab my ass and eat my food and play pokemon all day.
Nope. I am all out of fucks to give. Absolutely fresh the fuck out.
8:53 p.m. - 2020-08-25