Precisely the bullshit I did not want to deal with during pandemic.
I'm trying to let myself feel my anger it and it is burning a hole through my throat because somehow, I am once again being the bigger person by respecting his perpetual desire to run away from problems he causes.
I am tired of taking emotional responsibility for shit that MEN DO.
I'm not getting paid for this. My doors are still broken. My feelings still unheard. I'm drinking at 3 am suddenly? None of this happened to me when the Parasite was leeching off his friend instead. My lifestyle and mood was healthy before he came strolling back with even more extreme pity stories obviously designed to take advantage of my empathy and love, then he took damn near everything from me and strolled on out the first moment I asked for anything, even if all I asked for was any kind of explanation behind the way he acted at the most unexpected time. I would have accepted "I don't know" or "oops" or "you're a bitch" or "I don't like your face." Really quite anything would have made more logical sense than his unprovoked behavior, followed by ignoring me when I'm sitting right in front of him? Are we two years old??
I know, I know, his behavior isn't about me, it's his traumas etc, well FUCK HIS TRAUMAS because I HAVE TRAUMAS TOO AND I DON'T NEED TO CARRY HIS TOO BECAUSE THOSE ARE HIS RESPONSIBILITY, NOT MINE.
No man is worth this many words. I'm just extremely disappointed that I let this shitbag back into my sanctuary this year, after how hard I worked for peace and health. I hope I can forgive myself soon because it's been months of feeling this way and feeling like I have nowhere to put my anger and no one to hear me because it's so embarrassing, and who the fuck else do I have in a pandemic to safely give me one fucking hug that now I need comfort after he destroyed the peace I had and fucking left me here with all his shit cluttering my very small sacred space.
I am pissed, I am mourning, and I am debating whether to throw his shit out and let his friend deal with it. I vote for relinquishing responsibility to the dude friend, before I lose my entire mind.
3:07 a.m. - 2020-10-25