I said he can come pick up his things any time today before 5 and he hasn't responded. Maybe he's playing games, or maybe he lost another phone while drunk. Today I may reclaim my closet and hall and move it all down to my underground storage and just leave it out in the open for anyone in my building to pillage since I think my storage is already full. It's not my fault if he doesn't reply. I'm just tired of feeling like I need to keep him unblocked until he takes his crap back and tired of waiting until either of us are ready to deal with it. I think it'd help my mental state to have it out of my immediate environment, even if it's annoying to carry several trips worth of bags and boxes out. Maybe it'll be symbolically therapeutic. I'm doing a lot of reading today about emotional abuse and withholding and the cycle of abuse and ... It all resonates a bit too much. I'm going to need to work very hard if I want to be free and reclaim any shreds of sanity I still have. So: this weeks goal, or better yet today, unless he becomes suddenly agreeable, I will remove all his things from this sacred sanctuary of mine. Trying to motivate myself with a second coffee until I get Popeye strength and get over my covid fears about unnecessary trips to the elevator and other public indoor spaces in my building.
9:47 a.m. - 2020-11-02