I listened to podcasts all night and one piece of obvious but good advice was to spend more time doing things you enjoy. I need to get back into having regularly scheduled creating hours. It's a little uninspiring battling all the construction noise, but not impossible.
I finally moved some of the Alcoholic's junk into a high cabinet where I'll never have to look at it. His shit is still occupying my entire hall closet, but at least I don't need to see it. It serves as a constant reminder to never date, because you'll end up carrying all their baggage, literally and figuratively. Not to be all Marie Kondo about it but I can only handle so much clutter taking up real estate in my living quarters. I don't like to be bumping into things when I drag grocery boxes in. Empty floor space is nice. It's looking better now.
There'll never be a shortage of things to be mad about but I'm making a conscious effort to avoid triggers whenever possible, and focus on the things that make me feel good. It's really about just making it a habit until it comes natural, and then protecting these good habits fiercely from the situations/people that derail it. And befriending the loneliness when it visits ... a small price to pay for my well being.
I'm grateful that in this moment I'm safe, that my apartment is tidy and will continue to become more beautiful. I'm grateful for music and sunsets and my healthy sleep schedule that is in sync with the sun. Grateful for my little slice of freedom. I'm only physically trapped within the confines of these walls (which keep me safe), but the mind has no boundaries. My soul feels expansive far beyond my body's limitations. Grateful that I have a higher standard of living than I did before I moved here. I wouldn't have wanted to experience a pandemic in previous years. It actually came at a time when I was somewhat prepared, mentally and otherwise. I'm grateful to have the option to be unattached to men whenever I choose, that I'm not stuck living with one, that I don't need to walk on eggshells around anyone's moods, that I can flow along with each day however I choose. I'm the queen and high priestess of my own life, and I bow to no one.
9:33 a.m. - 2020-11-23