I wake up earlier every day. I like it. And what's this? No construction noise?! Happy Thanksgiving to me!
I had a sexy dream about a friend I've known for many years. We were having good conversation and then just started making out, and then sex, but afterward he was kind of neurotic and ocd paranoid about some sort of infection he struggled with and I had to calm him down and reassure him everything would be okay. The entire time we were near the front row of a very old orthodox Sephardic synagogue service that had seating on all four sides around the perimeter. (I just googled and learned that this seating style is normal for Sephardic synagogues. Maybe still is? I wouldn't know, never having attended a Sephardic synagogue service. But my dream was accurate!) After calming him, he took my hand and led me to several outer layers of the synagogue until we found bleacher-like seats outside, which were nearly filled. We were near the top of the outermost level of seating, and I took a seat next to an orthodox man. In real life, gender segregation is practiced at orthodox synagogues, so maybe that's why he took me all the way to the back, or because he was ashamed or something. Either way, we were together and I wrapped my legs over his and we held hands, even though we couldn't really see the service from our new seats.
Sex is never that good in my dreams, even if the emotions are passionate and good. Damn, why are my dreams so realistic hahaha. This is not the first dream I've had about this person. Once I dreamed we were getting married. Assuming I live long enough to be a senior citizen, when I'm old I wonder if I'll be single, or a coupled lesbian, or with a man? I feel like anything could happen by then. I can see the possibility of being happy in any of those arrangements. I just want to be an amazing woman, with a wise and magical warmth of presence that people enjoy being around and admire. I'll have natural silver strands of hair framing my eyes, and a knowing smile. Maybe I'll wear a headscarf with my hair in long braids.
I've been fortunate to have met several magical older women. A few years ago I was in a backyard of a gallery where my musician friends were performing. When it got dark, a circle formed around a fire and an older woman led us in a sort of ritual where we were given a handful of lavender to toss into the fire. She had the sort of powerful latina-crone energy I want to have some day. The energy of that space and time was perfect. Everyone was happy and we had a strong sense of community. When we were leaving we were ambushed by our friends who smashed confetti-filled eggs on our heads and ran around like children.
It wasn't that long ago when everything had such a magical quality and every weekend was a new adventure of poetry readings and music and dancing and art and my whole city was alive and in love with life. I hope to have more experiences like that, but either way, I'm glad that I made the most of those times.
7:14 a.m. - 2020-11-26