Admittedly, there is a small part of me that feels relieved that there is at least one addict in this world who can no longer chase me. Maybe that's where the guilt is really coming from. My life is free of one less addict. I hate to feel this way, but, it makes my life easier. One less man trying to extract sex out of me, drunk texting at all hours, being passive aggressive when they don't get what they want out of me. My terrible birthday present was the permanent removal of one of my sources of stress. It doesn't make my grief any easier, it still feels so unreal, I'm cycling through a wide spectrum of feelings, memories, thoughts, good and bad. And relief is one of these feelings. Relief that his suffering is over, and by association, my suffering is over too.
2:45 p.m. - 2022-10-27