Reminder to self to laugh hard and often in memory of the comedian I lost to liver shenanigans. His last punchline was really not funny. But I'm going to do my best to laugh my way out of grief. It's what he would have wanted, right? One of the things he loved most about me is he said I am 'fucking funny, the funniest person he knows,' so I cannot let him down. He was fun to laugh with. Even his liver had a sense of humor.
I'm scared of forgetting a detail if I don't write down everything. Must mentally archive every memory. I don't want to forget a single thing. He gifted me some great vintage Italian horror. We watched every Creepshow together. We laughed hysterically at 90s songs until it hurt. Ugh remember how we locked eyes for an entire evening at the cowboy bar after our high school reunion and there was just this massively strong inexplicable mutual feeling. He retold that story a million times like it was the best memory he ever had. I liked the morning when my period started and he said "I gotchu girl" in this very endearingly familiar hometown boy voice with his lil mustache, and he drove to the only open store to purchase pads while I waited in the car. It was sweet, I felt safe, and I loved being there in that moment, in my town again, going to mundane places with someone I never would have dated in high school, but unexpectedly crushed on 20 years late. I was so happy to be there. It was this time of year. I collected a fallen leaf to take home to remind me of him and of home. September, October, November, we spent strolling our old downtown in antique shops, the bookstore, dining everywhere, meeting friends, karaoke, laughing all the time. It happened after a major tragedy, just when I thought I'd never feel magic again, but then we met, and something changed.
We chatted with old bikers at the bar who were high school sweethearts who met again later in life as if brought together by fate, and now they were on a road trip together, and you said maybe one day that'll be us....
10:03 p.m. - 2022-11-04