Today is less awesome than yesterday, only because the (very, very loud) building fire alarm went off at 4 am and continued for an hour and my noise cancelling earbuds decided to die during that same hour. But I'm used to this, so luckily I have a clunky backup pair which somewhat helped.
Update: Found out the alarm went off because a night owl had a stroke while cooking, setting off the smoke alarms. So many post-covid strokes these days. :/ My friend who is younger than me and used to be healthy now has to go to ER every time he has even a mild infection of any kind due to long covid. It's so sad.
I also had trouble sleeping before that, because my body was itching all over due to caffeine allergy which only happens sometimes but not others (during the luteal phase of the month) and I tend to forget that this happens until it does. Whoops!
As a result I'm not at my best today and will probably need a nap or three. But I'll live.
Yesterday I googled my hometown's historical society and watched wonderful videos of various elders telling beautiful memoirs of their experiences in our hometown. My high school art teacher was one of the interviewees, as well as the father of my first boyfriend in elementary school. I recognized nearly everyone's names, which makes me laugh. I also cried of nostalgia a few times because their stories are so relatable and so terribly sweet and true. The end of each video contained life advice from the town elders, which was the icing on the cake. It was like listening to grandparents tell stories. I was hanging on every word, feeling as loved and cared for as I did as a child in that endearing little town.
I grew up in the 80s, but in many ways I feel like I grew up in the 1800s. No tv, no cell phones, no internet. Instead we had hobbies, high quality friendships, imagination and nature. Neighbors would knock on the door if they ran out of eggs and needed one for a recipe. We were a foodie town. There was never a shortage of delicious smells or homemade delights, and we enjoyed most of our activities outdoors at picnics or festivals. Everyone was SO NICE.
I'm fortunate I got to thank my art teacher personally in 2019 for her positive impact on my life. I felt so strange and different, especially in a town as small as that, and yet, I was shown so much love. It was a family. I am so grateful I was able to experience a slow-paced community way of life that allowed me to grow my imagination and flourish and explore in a safe environment surrounded by nature and kindness.
I hope I manage to keep that part of myself alive forever, even as, just like my hometown, I have grown and changed. I want to hang on to a bit of that innocence. That child dreamer who wandered along the train tracks downtown on summer days is still right here inside me. I'm the same girl who caught tadpoles every year. I'm the same girl who collected eggs from my chickens. I'm the same girl who rode on the back of my dad's pickup truck with my friends, even though it seems like a distant dream and a world away now, in my urban adult life.
There's a lot on my mind that I'm still processing. I'm processing my lifetime thus far in fact. But interrupted sleep makes me pretty useless to explain much of anything with clarity so I will write more later when I feel more alive.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
11:51 a.m. - 2023-01-21