Speaking of April...
The following tale isn't pretty and requires a little bravery, but I need to tell it. I promise to hold your hand so you don't get scared, and afterward I'll buy you an ice cream. Actually, make that two.There's no graceful way to say this.
Last week my mom threw boiling water at my dad, burning his face and arm. My dad fled to the medical clinic to be treated for burns. The doctor asked what happened, so he told him. By law they had to file a report for domestic abuse. They could have taken her to jail but my dad didn't want to press charges, so he instead agreed to the officer�s recommendation to file a restraining order.
My mom denies it, but I know her, and I recall many similar incidents I wish I hadn't witnessed. My dad has never once raised a hand against her.
She's always been nuts. All three of her sisters have bipolar disorder, two of which have been institutionalized. My mom's rages have become more frequent over time and now it's out of control. She suffers from dangerous paranoia, irrationality, extreme mood swings, false memories, addictive behavior, suicide threats, bizarre delusions, and sudden violent outbursts. She believes that everyone else is to blame and she always is the victim. There are other reasons why their marriage isn't perfect, but my mother is too dangerous to communicate with and too unstable to resolve anything. It's always been this way, but we love her, often at the expense of our own happiness and safety. My dad has always been a submissive enabler, but last week was the line in the sand.
When I saw his red face and the dark bubbly burns on his arm, I felt responsible. Why did I look the other way for so long while he suffered silently? I hugged him and apologies spewed out of my mouth, for not being vocal sooner, for trying to keep them together, for being part of the charade that allowed this to continue.
"I knew you would say that," he said. "It's not your fault."
We talked a long time and he gently mentioned the word divorce. I gave him my blessing with a capital B.
"You've always been supportive of me in everything that I do," I said. "So I'm supportive of you, whatever you choose to do."
Side note: I'm an amazing daughter.
It's a full time job keeping everyone healthy and calm. I'm sympathetic but troubled by my mother's state. I want so badly for everyone to be okay. I�m not religious, but if you are in the habit of praying I wouldn't mind if you sent just a tiny request of health and well-being for my parents during this difficult time. I'm sure it will turn out alright, but I love them both so much, and I hope with every ounce of my strength that they'll survive this emotional roller coaster and ultimately find some much deserved happiness, wherever life takes them next.
1:54 p.m. - 2008-04-22