Confession: I tivo the Tyra show. It�s my daily spoonful of sugar. A vitamin if you prefer. But hear me out.
Today�s episode featured a former top model who lost her mother to bipolar disorder.
Familiar much? (Excluding the top model part of course.)
Suddenly, I didn�t feel so alone. Naturally, seeking familiarity as we all do, she fell in love with a boyfriend who was also bipolar. (I�ll bet it�s not the last time she�ll unconsciously seek out familiarity, in lovers or in friends. I know how that works...)
When they were up, she was up, when they crashed, she crashed with them. They�d be happy one moment, suicidal the next. It interfered with her modeling dream the way it interfered with my internship at my dream museum. I ultimately wasn�t hired because my mom threatened to commit suicide and I couldn�t focus on my interview. I totally bombed, never telling my co-workers the real reason behind my sudden regression.
While modeling she had to smile and pretend everything was fine when all she could think about was her loved ones. God, I know that feeling too well. And she didn�t tell anyone because they�d think she was weak. EXACTLY! That�s why I write to you, because it�s difficult to share with others. Just like her, I was torn up inside and I couldn�t fake it anymore.
I swear, every time I cry at a movie, or experience even the slightest bit of P.M.S., I think, oh god, am I turning bipolar? I'll never be free from worrying.
The model's mother and her boyfriend committed suicide. She asked herself why everyone she loved kept killing themselves. She blamed herself. Been there. She stayed thinking she could save them. Yep, been there too.
I forever sense a conspiracy of silence about mental illness, because it�s taboo. So I was relieved to hear a real person actually talk about it openly in front of millions of viewers. The fact that she was a beautiful top model, not drained and haggard from the experience, helped too.
I�m not alone. I hope her misery stays in the past and that she does everything she was put here to do. It�s possible to be raised by a mentally ill parent and still conquer the world. By the way, after taking a brief hiatus to deal with family emergencies, I later landed a job at another museum. I�m still legally sane, and, I�m finally applying for grad school. So hey. So far so good right?
3:54 p.m. - 2008-11-18