HB still hates me and I still don't know why. He hatefully insists that his rage toward me since the funeral has nothing to do with the fact his dad just died. It's my fault, although he can't seem to pinpoint what specifically I did wrong to warrant a divorce.
It's late and there is no sign of him. Whatever I did, it must have been awful to deserve so much abuse. I just wish he'd have dropped a hint in any of the ten years previous, instead of just since the funeral.
If I'm really to blame, why did he cancel the counseling appointment? And how can the gentle person I've loved for ten years become a raging violent sadist in a day? It's obvious I don't deserve this and his anger is misplaced, so why can't he see it?
Am I married? Am I separated? Am I a soon to be bachelorette? Won't someone tell me what's going on, but most of all, explain why?
10:40 p.m. - 2009-07-26