He damaged our marriage beyond repair. I'm still here, trying to ignore the horrible feeling that follows me every time we're together. I hope this passes. I try to fight it, but underneath I'm sad now, and very afraid this is how the rest of my life will feel. I don't like being second best to his mommy, I don't like being controlled, I don't like being yelled at, I don't like being married to an emotionally absent angry rigid selfish mean rude unsympathetic obsessive critical impatient overbearing anal belittling pessimistic condescending sarcastic untalented sheltered uptight argumentative bossy out of control unintelligent uncultured dictator who leaves me feeling defeated.
What a nightmare it is to love someone for a decade, only to wake up one day next to a monster, your worst nightmare, the exact opposite of the person you thought you married, who keeps you running on empty with nothing but memories and the occasional meaningless promise.
If I had a mommy, I'd run to her and cry that life isn't fair, and she'd run her hand over my hair and tell me something wise to put everything into perspective. That must be nice to have... But I must remember that I am my own mother and my own daughter now, and I mustn't waste my short life feeling this way when so much potential remains.
11:05 p.m. - 2009-09-26