I am not one of those 31 year olds who wants to settle down. It is too easy for someone to say they love me or want me when I still have all my teeth and am still mistaken as 23 by 23 year olds. But I am bored of being "loved" for my body and being told I am pretty. Ask me out again when I am 50 years old. Then I will know if I can trust you. Save your poems and roses for when I am 50. Then I'll know you mean it.
Last night I dreamed I was living in a house full of my girl friends, all except The Dr. It was fun until the girls moved and all that was left was the Dr. He was happy but I was like, meh. Very vividly, with the detailed precision of each instrument, these lyrics were in my dream last night:
ain't it funny how we pretend we're still a child
softly stolen under our blanket skies
and rescue me from me, and all that i believe
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
will you leave me too?
The night before I dreamed my guy friend M visited. "Yay! Why'd you come?" I asked. "Because you are pretty," he said. "Oh." I said. I was disappointed. I was hoping he just wanted to hang. He kissed me and it was the worst kiss ever, but he was very happy.
Life has been better than dreams lately. My weekends and weeknights are full and I am doing all the things I had wanted to do but didn't when I was wrapped around the finger of some guy or another. I've been enjoying the company of people and appreciating everything we teach each other.
1:50 p.m. - 2012-06-04