The evening started out very strangely. So strangely I almost went back home. My closest friend was completely ignoring me for some dudebro and was acting generally abnormal to the point of not acknowledging my existence. I talked to a few friends but they were stoned and drunk so I sat alone with the beer and cake they handed me and watched the guitarist play. I sent a funny text to my crush, but he was working so he didn't reply right away. In my surge of loneliness I gave in to my urge to text my ex: "hey." He replied soon after: "hey..." I realized I had nothing more to say so I didn't bother and neither did he.
Then my crush replied, and arrived shortly after. Ever feel an unspoken connection with someone? Like all you have to do is look them in the eye and feel like you both know something that the others don't? I was happier by then, but the air still felt weird.
After a drink and a tiny bit of smoke, it changed. The words flowed more easily and he said tiny things that hinted at his observances of me. And then he mentioned taking a cab but I offered to take him home. It occurred to me this was an attempt to get me alone, since he never does that, and he's been more high/drunk before. I drove him home and he asked me mundane questions about work/school. We sat outside his place in the car for a long 5 minutes or so of smiling and intense eye contact while talking about how he is going to see my show this weekend. I had a solid five minute window there where conditions were ideal to kiss him. But I was strapped in my seatbelt and it was quiet and I was being timidly afraid of fucking things up. So we hugged. Twice. And kissed on the cheek.
I swore at myself all the way home for not kissing him. But then I remind myself that its ok to know what I'm getting myself into first, and vice versa. And slow is perfectly fine and healthy. I think it will happen. It's just a matter of when and where. And I think he realizes now that I like him. For now we have little flirty moments like in elementary school and it's the cutest thing in the world. And he appears emotionally stable, so that's always a good thing!
12:44 p.m. - 2013-06-14