well, the guy i was seeing for 6 months turned out to be a serial rapist. i think i'm done dating men??
its a strange blend of feelings. mostly i feel amazed to be alive and unharmed, and pleased to say i'm not the victim this time.
i suspected he might be the serial rapist after seeing a surveillance video of the rapist and reading articles that described someone identical to the person who recently pursued me. the timing was suspicious, and i noticed 3 rapes happened while he was off work for several days, then stopped while he was out of the country, then started again when he returned, then stopped when he started seeing me...
i genuinely liked him, so i told myself things like, 'there's probably a lot of people with dreadlocks of his exact description, race, height, and clothes, who live in his neighborhood and roam during those hours...right?' denial is real.
but he very frequently said misogynistic, very bad things about women. i secretly knew he sold coke. i listened to all his revealing rants and learned his secrets but never told him i knew, and never said anything about the video i saw. i secretly consciously planned to observe him for a minimum of 6 months, and to pay close attention to any clues, because i didn't want to falsely accuse someone if he had been innocent.
the sixth month arrived. i had heard enough misogynistic rants about all the reasons why women were bitches. he fucked me but called me a "friend", didn't care about my feelings, he remained distant, hateful, racist, sexist, addicted to coke, alcohol, weed, and tobacco. he never slept, and had paranoid delusions that i was doing witchcraft on him or making him have bad dreams. he wanted to fuck my friends. he had a violent side. he accused me of being with other men yet wouldn't commit to me. his sexual perversions, his secretiveness, his paranoia, his anger toward women, his detachment, his selfishness in bed, his constant unquenchable horniness, the weird obsession he had with his ex (who had him blocked 2 years ago!)... all of it added up and one day i couldn't deny it anymore. i'd watched and rewatched that video SO many times and every detail was him, from the earrings he wears, to the wrench on the right side of his jeans, to the shoes, to the profile, to the cutoff sleeve shirt under the jacket, to the pants...
i knew the thing that kept me going back all along was my investigative need to know if he really was the serial rapist, and by that point i knew him so well, it was absolutely obvious he could be no one else but the rapist. i reported him to the police.
i must be a very brave, very tough (and crazy) little thing. i walked through hell hoping to help the devil, and finding that it was not possible to change the devil's ways, i betrayed his trust.
although he did not rape me, and although i somehow liked him, i feel that i did something incredible by walking right through fire to hopefully help the four rape survivors to perhaps heal and feel safe again. maybe i prevented more women from being raped. maybe i finally saved myself too.
12:48 a.m. - 2016-09-01