Every day I review all the evidence in my mind and ask myself again and again if it's really what it seems like it is. But I always return to the same conclusion, the one where we'll never get to ride off into the sunset together, the far less romantic story that ends with discovering the person you dated for 6 months is a serial rapist.
I really should just write a book of all the rabbit holes my curiosity has led me into. I see why they warn that curiosity killed the cat. But it appears I'm skilled at surviving! Where is the girl scout badge for this?
Some moments I want to shout every expletive at him, lock up that creepy ass motherfucker, and let the girls he raped choose an equal punishment.
Part of me wants to call him to hear him admit what he did out loud. I could call right now, but fear and reason stops me. He'd lie anyway so what's the point. I'll let the police wrestle with it, because I'm not getting paid for this shit.
Last night I dreamed I stopped by his work to deliver something. His boss was in the room so I wasn't afraid. As I was about to leave, he spoke to me.
"Hey. Come with me to a show tomorrow."
"No," I said, walking toward the door.
"How about Saturday? There's a band playing. We can go together."
"No," I said again.
"I made something for you," he said, and presented me with a large paper with some sort of hand-drawn metaphysical compass. It was sweet, but I really just wanted to hear him admit guilt.
"Was it you in the video?" I asked pointedly.
He hesitated, then stammered and stuttered a weak argument about how that street is too far from his house or he doesn't go there, or some bullshit. He was obviously lying, but the struggle in his voice gave me satisfaction. We walked together to my house where he presented me with more strange gifts, including a bag of boxes containing useless items like cutout pieces of paper and plastic spider rings.
"Thank you," I said, even though his gift was weird crap I don't need.
I laid on top of him in bed, biting and kissing his neck, knowing that soon he'd be in jail.
"I've known about the rapes since March," I said.
He looked amazed by my deceit. He didn't speak.
I didn't tell him I already notified the cops.
I woke up feeling contented and peaceful.
2:06 p.m. - 2016-09-08