I was given an unexpected gift last night. A former friend of an abusive ex confided that he is no longer friends with that ex and described pretty much the same experience I had with him. He said some very nice things to me, like that the first time he saw me with him he thought I was attractive and thought to himself 'I like her -- but not for him." He was right! :D He worded it in a sweet way, I'm probably paraphrasing badly. It gave me additional closure and validated my experience, since abuse tends to happen when no one is looking, so you can spend years wondering if you're just crazy because you can't always get a second opinion. Even all these years later, it was helpful to hear. It was good timing to reflect about these things because I see a pattern I'm trying to break, and managed to go no contact with someone with a similar demeanor early this year. I received mixed reviews for my decision, but it was definitely the healthiest thing for me to do, and that tells me that I've grown enough to honor myself first even if others sometimes try to make me doubt my choices. Like the other situation, validation has been trickling back to me slowly from others who had similar experiences with that person too, and I trust there will be more to come. I think part of the nature of my trusting & intimate personality is that I am often the first one to discover if someone has a very dark side or sociopathic traits. It's not as terrible as it sounds, it just means I need to be very good at trusting my instincts and listening to myself.
11:48 a.m. - 2018-05-29