I hear everyone else celebrating outside. I haven't missed a Pride in years. But I was stood up again and on top of everything else I'm just feeling pretty down. I haven't gone a day without water in my eyes for like 3 weeks now. I also haven't left my house at all in that time. I feel like I've quietly slipped through the cracks. I know there's people who love me and care but the times I have human contact are so sporadic that I have sort of given up on everything. I lack the support that every human needs. I'm still breathing, so I guess I'm surviving. But if someone peeked inside my apartment the last few weeks, and saw me laying here crying off and on in between self medicating with weed and alcohol but having no appetite or motivation to get out of bed, well... you'd find it depressing.
I find it depressing too.
I wish the girl who stood me up had never even bothered to call me, because all she did was make me feel bad about my weight, and say racist stuff, and rape-apologist stuff. Ugh. I'd be better off without the rejection. Why did she bother me in the first place if she had no intention of following through?
2:41 p.m. - 2019-06-30