A major tragedy happened. For privacy reasons I don't want to elaborate but people died and I'm feeling weird and my voice cracks when I talk about it. Of course it was a male playing rambo. Of course it was.
And of course the last time I thought I could walk outside to meet my friend a man grabbed me.
And of course someone said but what were you wearing though?
And of course I, the victim of assault, was put on the defensive, to explain how I was wearing the biggest ugliest coat I own, an oversized t-shirt, and jeans... that zero of my skin was exposed except my face. My fault he grabbed me? My fault for walking in my own neighborhood where I pay taxes to live?
My of course male sexual partner laughed when I said "I pay taxes" as a reason I shouldn't be assaulted for being female. I pay taxes just like the men in my neighborhood. Why shouldn't I enjoy the same freedom of men who go for walks alone just for pleasure? When will I get to experience that pleasure and freedom? Is that not fair?
No, I know life's not fair.
But of course that male sexual partner lied to me last night, asked me to wait, then after a few hours waiting for him at his request, he emerged drunk and flaked. And of course he acted like he doesn't care when I said that was his last chance. So of course I blocked him. And of course I'll be upset for a week or a month and of course he'll be all apologies when he's sober. Of course! I know the drill.
And of course the fuckboy from (3 years ago?) left a second voicemail in my blocked folder yesterday, claiming he lives in Mexico now. Funny, the phone number he called from is not from Mexico. Of course he's lying again just to get me to respond. Last time he lied and said he had cancer to get me to respond. WHO LIES ABOUT HAVING CANCER?!
Wow. I'm burned out on men. I don't understand how any women are satisfied by penises because most the ones I've seen are circumcised so there's little pleasure, or small, or weirdly shaped, or limp, or rapey, or pink. Even if they have a decent dick, chances are slim there'll be a personality worth my time. Even a halfway intelligent man with a mediocre dick would be like finding the holy grail. Alas, reality makes that a statistical impossibility.
Apparently my expectations of men were way too high. Because when you're a girl with a fairly decent dad, you expect better. And when all the male-based religions tell you god is male, and all the priests are male, and all your presidents have been male, you come to expect that men are controlling everything because they have some special godly gift that women must not have. Yet no man has lived up to the hype.
Imagine the disappointment of smart women everywhere.
And of course, it was a man, and a rapist, who said, "You're a little too smart...FOR A GIRL."
10:21 a.m. - 2019-07-31