For awhile I have felt like I'm trying to do life with weights on my back. Or like I'm trying to accomplish life while walking uphill both ways in the snow barefoot. Or something like that. That's the general emotion at least half the time, or more. Even when I'm doing nothing. Some of the problems are real things. Some are nothing but fears.
I'm terrified that it's going to feel this way forever, or get worse with age, or that it has nothing to do with my environment and is just a fault of mine.
But even if that were so, I've been so much better before, so I'm SURE I can do better. I am going to try my very very best to improve my environment and input as much arts, music, poetry, etc into my brain so that arts are all i can see and hear, everywhere, in everything, always. No more wasting a moment of my mind's NEED to feel and see beauty in everything and create and appreciate others' creations. I want to be made of art, inside and out. A walking encyclopedia of the beauty of humanity.
I don't care if I'm the only one, I will fully not acknowledge or engage with the depression of our times unless it is conveyed through extraordinary art. That is my personal choice. And then, after living and breathing art awhile, I will rise through the floor like a goddess of art, swirling in glittery smoke and make magic of everything around me until reality is changed. I'm going to spark a positive inner revolution that lights everyone else's fire too.
Art is all that has meaning when everything else has gone. We still have our imaginations, our minds, and a sense of hope that something better exists. That's all we need to start a wildfire of creative awakening.
10:43 p.m. - 2019-09-12