So I'm sitting here having massive anxiety. For probably absolutely no reason whatsoever, other than my scars haunting me.
I don't want to get too attached but I already feel it. SO QUICKLY. It should feel good, not like this. How is it possible to miss someone so quickly and want sex so much all of a sudden when I felt pretty numb just before we met and had zero sex drive for like, years..
He's nonstop on my mind now and it's REALLY ANNOYING because I can't focus on anything else and it's stressing me out thinking about getting attached. Isn't that sad? But clearly, my chemistry is telling me, in a very intensely physically painful way that I'm already attached so, too late.
There's for sure something going on with this. He said some things that are so ME, before I said anything. Like deep stuff, weird things that only seem to happen to me. Goddammit I'm thinking of him again. See what I mean?
If I'm this excited I'm worried I'll fuck it up by being overly eager or appearing desperate. But I also don't want to be jaded because my therapist reminded me that this is a totally different person than anyone in my past and that I can't blame him for my past. Easier said than done. I don't think my anxiety shows at all but, I'm really starting to really like this person.
We haven't had sex yet though. So there's still hope. His dick might be gross or weird or maybe he'll cum too fast.
God it was such a nice weekend though. He actually wowed me with his chivalry and intuition. Fuck. I was not expecting that. That sneaky little bitch of a perfect man.
Stay cool girl, breathe. Man, I need a cold shower. That was intense. Gotta stay chill... The less I care on the inside, the easier it will be to be my best funny, honest, and communicative self. I hope I can avoid obsessing too much because then it'll just make me super awkward and the vibe will be all messed up.
I seriously feel like I'm in love already. Like, instantly? This is insane. I need. to calm. my tits.
He seems like he feels exactly the same though, so.. maybe that's what is scaring me.
Whatever happens, I'll be okay. Maybe we'll keep doing this and just enjoy the moment until we've collected many moments, maybe even a lifetime of them. What a beautiful story that would be.
2:46 p.m. - 2019-10-15