- It took blocking three men and rescheduling a video chat but I finally had a much needed day of peace and quiet.
- I had a sad dream where I was looking for my mom and when I finally found her she kept staring straight ahead and wasn't responsive. She seemed emotionless, the opposite of her usual manic-dementia state. Maybe that's how I'm making people feel right now by being outwardly unemotional and closed off. Unfortunately I need to be, because I don't have anyone to take care of me. I need to stay strong until it's safe to let the emotional drawbridge down again, because no one around me is sane enough right now to even consider that I too might have emotions, but that I don't process them by tossing them on other people to process for me. I'll wait until everyone else's egos are finished arguing hysterically.
- I canceled netflix because I don't watch it. I don't even know why I have a tv. It's only used when a boy is here. It's ugly to look at. I might unplug it and use the stand for art-making since I no longer need to accommodate others in my living space thanks to quarantine.
Happy memories:
the forest. forest smells. flower smells. sunshine. rivers. frogs. dragonflies.
Today's affirmation:
I can ignore emotionally immature people to protect my energy
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
telling myself it's ok to skip yoga for a day. it's only like 10 minutes! do the effing yoga as an act of self love!
I am grateful for:
this experience that allows me to see who I want in my life going forward and healthy habits to keep. grateful for coffee, food, my mind, the Divine Feminine, and my city.
The person I am becoming will experience more:
unshakeable inner calm
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
ignore my phone and create in my own little bubble of happiness
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
freedom
9:45 a.m. - 2020-04-17