Heard from a few friends this week. One left a voicemail saying I'm cool and he thinks of me a lot. Maybe he was drunk but it was sweet anyway. I also got a couple texts from female friends, apologizing for being absent for so long. No apology needed. It's 2020. I understand.
In some ways I am nostalgic for pre covid times. If I could do those times over again I'd do them without men, I'd have socialized with some people less, and others more. I'd have done more prioritizing and less escapism and would have just not put up with bullshit at all. On the other hand, I'm glad I lived life to the fullest and took risks because I got it all out of my system before covid. I really feel like I did it all, even if not all of it was pleasant.
My humor has devolved into mostly fart jokes. I don't know why I felt like that's an important detail to share.
I feel weird today. Maybe I didn't sleep enough or maybe it's all the caffeine or the lack of yoga, or the fact that there's a pandemic and it's an election year. This week I'm going to try to repair my frazzled nerves with better nutrition and yoga and meditation and all those good things. That's the goal anyway.
Today I'm grateful for the cinnamon chocolate whipped cream I made for my coffee. I can't believe I ever bought pre-made whipped cream when it takes 2 seconds to make way cheaper and more delicious. One great thing about this pandemic is all the little life hacks I've learned. I like feeling self reliant, and learning new things has given me something productive to do with my time to distract from toxic politics and such.
My brain feels tired though.
A teenage boy tried to pick a fight with my tumblr because he was offended by a historical quote. I have a masters degree on the subject but I obviously didn't argue back because, I am not on the level of an emotional teenage boy with his tits out on his profile lol. I apparently have to deal with males every day who crawl out of every crevice, seemingly seeking me out specifically to demonstrate their immaturity to me at every step. Wake up, read whiny messages, block, sleep, wake up, read whiny messages, block, sleep...
My diplomas on the wall don't seem to make any difference to most men, online or off, or maybe that's specifically what's provoking them? Regardless of my knowledge and experience they can write me off as biased because I am a woman, but they don't see themselves as biased because all of society caters to them maintaining power over everyone else. They unwittingly inspire me and strengthen my feminism -- even the silly hormonal teenage boys.
For awhile now I've toyed with the idea of getting a PhD and/or publishing a book. Yes, it will result in more attacks by angry white Christian men, but so what. I face daily discrimination either way, so I may as well go balls out.
Maybe someday I'll switch genders just so I can work undercover, to make positive change toward equality. Maybe they'll be more likely to listen to a "man" saying it.
1:28 p.m. - 2020-10-04