When Sober Boy was telling me about his month-long road trip, he first said "we went" then stumbled and corrected himself "I went." Just a little detail I noticed...
Also, when I texted him early 6:39 AM to ask if he wants to meet next week instead, he responded 'ok whenever you're ready' followed by 'I go today to do my test.' Why would he still test today if I'm not seeing him? Is he trying to guilt me into seeing him, or? I told him he doesn't need to.
I can't with men anymore. Truly, I am exhausted. I feel like I'm hiding out in a fortress and they're continuously trying to invade. Just the thought of men makes me tired. I don't mind talking to them sometimes, but they always want more, and once they get it they just kinda go mute until the next time they get horny or lonely. Doesn't anyone have more than this to offer? I feel like they're more jazzed about me than I am about them. And they're SO jazzed. Till they're all of a sudden not! Then just when I've given up, they're back! Honestly. What is their purpose. What do they think they're adding to my life? JK, they don't think.
Doesn't matter anyway since I seem to be done giving anyone a chance. I didn't just barely escape one man just to end up trapped with another one. I'm still cleaning up the mess the last one left.
The Other Alcoholic who earlier this weekend tried to persuade me that I should be his girlfriend and that he'll follow me to the ends of the earth and will always be there for me, didn't answer my texts yesterday. Either he's dead or he's just another fool who doesn't mean a damn word he says. I'm shocked. *sarcasm*
At least I know I made a good call to not take any of these clowns seriously. There's just...so many like this?
I'm lonely but everyone sucks so much. So I guess I'm not that lonely.
I do have a few platonic guy friends who have been present and supportive this week, so that's nice. It'll do. It's a weird week and I'm nervous about election but I know I'm definitely not alone in my anxious moments. We're all feeling like this. I'll probably keep writing in here a lot more than normal because it calms my nerves to empty my brain of thoughts and gives my fingers something to do. Don't mind me.
2:35 p.m. - 2020-11-02