My cat hasn't let me sleep the last couple nights and I don't do well without sleep so I'll be a wreck today for sure. Four hours isn't enough. I gave up around 2 and started organizing the closet (so that I wouldn't murder the cat) and sorted the Alcoholics things into two bags of trash and two bags to keep. Then some weird loud construction crashing noises woke me up again at sunrise and my headphones battery was dead so I spent the morning searching for a good place to donate his toys and the pictures of homeless kids kept making me want to cry, because I cry easily when sleep deprived.
And I'd like to know how the Alcoholic texted me even though I have his number blocked...? He had been texting every day and night for awhile and I asked him to stop, yet somehow his text came through this morning. He's using some kind of app and I'm about to just change my number and name and go into the witness protection program!
The sober-boy has been also driving me nuts with daily 'hi, how are you's without any other interesting conversation, and when I respond with one word, he immediately calls as if he's been waiting with his finger on the trigger all day. Anyone really desperate for a boyfriend? Cause I've got a few annoying men in my dms who I'd LOVE to pawn off. Act now and I'll throw in two bags of random shit for free!
I dreamed the Alcoholic showed up at my door and barged in without a mask, and I was like 'wtf you can't just break my whole heart in two in the middle of a pandemic and think you can just invite yourself back in any time -- and without a mask!' I put on a mask, kicked him out, and washed my hands. I thought it was over but then my phone rang and it was a poly woman who got angry at me years ago for not calling the day after we kissed at a party and told me off via text, which I thought was ... unromantic. (If she'd communicated in, say, a less aggro tone, I would have been super thrilled to know she wanted me to call and we'd have made out a million times more. But she's promiscuous so I assumed I was just another of her conquests.) In the dream she accused me of being a narcissist, for not falling at her feet, which confused me because she's basically a famous diva now with constant need for sexual validation and a very successful touring burlesque dancer, and I'm just, kind of scared of people now (I wonder why.) I later found out she's legit mentally ill so, that kind of cleared things up for me. She also mentioned on social media that women always leave her. It actually never occurred to me until now that she may have been including me in that category?
Anyways, being alone feels safe! Lol.
8:45 a.m. - 2020-12-22