I do my yoga routine from memory now. I realized today that I already know all the poses and can just .. do them. I no longer need a teacher or video to follow. Cool!
Motivated by pure fear of neck pain, I avoided sitting or crouching all day yesterday with a good long dance session, then spent the rest of the day cooking and cleaning everything. I scrubbed the bathtub, sink, cleaned the toilet, vacuumed, did laundry, and cooked three different dishes! Today I bask in the results in a clean house with a full stomach, and my neck feels better too.
I checked instagram, very briefly. Saw a not funny meme (posted by, unsurprisingly, a man) that was like 'why doesn't the sun just explode the earth already.' (Why are men so destructive?) Also woke up to a drunk text from last night from, also unsurprisingly, a man. I've had zero urge to unblock the other two men in my life. I feel bad about it, but life is so much easier without carrying the emotional burdens of a man child clinging to my ankles. I want a mom too, but I don't cling to women the way they cling to me. I am accustomed to being my own mother, and it's not always easy, but it sure is easier to function alone. Solitude has been a miracle cure for every problem in my life. It's...weird.
Why do humans think another human can cure their depression, then enter relationships and wonder why they're still depressed? Why do humans use each other as if we're drugs? Why with certain people does it feel like they're always dragging their feet, like no progress happens unless I constantly encourage, remind, and nag, and feel dragged backward in the process. What's in it for me if a person spends more time scrolling than doing the work?
I discovered so much great music last night to add to my ever growing playlists. Grateful for music. Grateful for the ocean. Grateful for my big giant windows that let the light in. Grateful for my current state of mind. Grateful that I was productive yesterday and can sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor today. I am looking forward to bathing in my sparkling clean tub, stepping onto my spotless floor, listening to all the good music I found last night, and eating all the good food I made yesterday: chile pepper macaroni alfredo, cultured mango pudding, and about a month's supply of chocolate peanut butter cups. :)
I'm proud of how far I've come since the end of 2019. So grateful. I never ever want to go back.
10:22 a.m. - 2021-02-06