Dreamed I was swinging on rings at a playground suspended by chains long enough to swing and swoop around like tarzan. It was fun. I was with two French women, one a real life friend and one a tattoo artist I never met. All of us had braids and look somewhat similar. I lived around the corner in a big old house in New Orleans where I caught a different woman trying to rob me but then we ended up talking and becoming friends.
I woke up to construction saws and a stiff neck. :/
But I painted and varnished my desk this week and organized all my art stuff and it looks so amazing. Now I want to do more home improvement stuff.
I didn't sleep enough. Daylight savings screwed me over but only because construction starts at 7:30 am whether or not I'm ready to go to bed at the new hour. Fucking construction...
My friend invited me to play with horses yesterday but I haven't been vaccinated yet so I said I will when that happens. I'm a little nervous about seeing people, and about going to get my vaccine from a stranger standing close to me when I've spent over a year fearing physical proximity, even though logically I know that's a funny thing to fear. I also am somewhat anxious about a big needle in my arm when I'm used to being given baby needles, and anxious about having an allergic reaction and ending up in ER. Not a likely scenario, but fears are rarely rational are they. I also wonder if I'll have crippling social anxiety when I have to talk to people again because I'm out of practice. I worry about the stupid things they'll say, because humans like to say stupid things sometimes, and then I'll spend the next year and half ruminating about it.....
Still, I'm grateful that soon I'll have the option to reconnect with people. I'm going to be choosier about who I reconnect with, now that I've had time to analyze all my friendships and their effect on me. I probably won't hug my friends when I see them again, so that's weird. I guess we could form a social bubble like some people are doing, but do I trust anyone enough? Not really. But we'll see. Maybe I'll feel different when summer rolls around and I'm vaccinated and everyone is out living life and no one is dying. I am one of the 1 in 5 Americans who have lost someone to covid, and I also have friends who survived it. But my city has done so well compared to other places. We're in the top 2 cities with the lowest death count and our hospitals are excellent. I got lucky. I have many many reasons to be grateful.
8:53 a.m. - 2021-03-17