Apparently I cry easily now. Not like ugly crying, although I do that too once in awhile but I mean. At least once a day for the past several days, I have a thought, and a single tear falls, and then I shake it off and continue making my coffee, or whatever. I woke up at 7:30 and shed a tear about 10 minutes later. Maybe it's because I decided to quit weed for a month, and it's moontime, and because probably anyone else in my shoes would have had 1000 breakdowns by now. But I am very stubborn.
I was raised to feel my pain without medicine, to swallow pain without complaining, and forgive and laugh off abuse as if nothing happened in order to do it again the next week. I taught myself to absorb other people's pain and transform it into fuel so that I'd emit only something positive, instead of passing the buck without self awareness.
It's important to stay conscious, because the same thing that dulls my pain, also dulls my strengths.
I should remember to take everything day by day and not worry too much about a month from now, or years from now.
2 out of 3 of my animals have a health problem right now and that's the most urgent of my worries. But I have to wait 2-4 weeks for vaccine before I can do anything to help them. It's probably nothing life threatening, but it'll be nice when I can get everyone the care they need so they can live happier..
7:51 a.m. - 2021-03-28