Aaaaand back to construction noise. Hello monday.
Last night I dreamed I was at a circus school event with booths and vendors in gypsy wagons, and spectacles everywhere. I was walking with a couple of guy friends looking at all the shiny things. I wandered alone into an enormous gymnasium with soaring ceilings. I sat down against the wall and watched as various gymnasts jumped off of extremely high platforms, doing high dive somersaults in the air and bouncing off soft foam padded walls as if weightless, flying effortlessly and gracefully as birds. One large gymnast started falling above where I was sitting and I worried he'd fall on top of me. I leaned back a little as he fell faster, fearing I'd be crushed, but he landed a couple feet in front of me and no one was harmed. It all looked so, so, fun. I want to fly through the air in circus school now!
The Alcoholic has offered to get tested in order to visit me today. Just one day seems fairly harmless emotionally, but I think I'll say no. Tests aren't accurate enough unless he's been quarantined for at least a couple days prior, but he works in a high risk situation. Today I feel like I can wait for vaccine. One day of sex and companionship doesn't seem worth the risk. We may be on cordial terms, and my mind has forgiven him, but my heart remembers.
The other alcoholic texted yesterday to wish me a happy easter even though I'm not christian. Just like he does with christmas, even though he knows it irritates me. It's annoying the way he does it, because he also said "Never feel alone. Know I'm always thinking about you. Just had a feeling you needed to hear that today." But I wasn't feeling alone and would have preferred no easter text. But I thought, maybe he said it because he's lonely and was projecting his feelings onto me, assuming I am sad about not being christian or something. So I just said I think about him too and sent some heart emojis. He was probably drinking anyway. He has zero intuition whatsoever.
I dream of someday living in a country that isn't christian. Anywhere, and any religion at all would be wonderful. Anything but christian.
8:20 a.m. - 2021-04-05