Extremely tired today.
I feel like I should do a public psa to all my friends that I'm sorry for being so uncommunicative but the only times I have energy are when I force caffeine down my throat in order to be able to get outside into nature. I probably won't say anything to anyone, so they'll continue assuming I'm just full of boundless energy, which has never been true, except that they only knew me when I was drinking and doing my best impression of an extrovert, for their comfort. Except that's not the real me. And nobody knows that.
Also it's horny male season again. So there are texts and calls to once again ignore and I've been hiding from social media even though I have loads of unshared photos from recent nature outings.
I'm alright though. I'm on my second coffee but laying in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. It's wild how exhausted I feel. Part of it is just that sense that no matter how I present myself, I'm misperceived as wanting the exact opposite. Like sex for example. I don't want it! For some reason men have this idea in their head that they're the only ones trying to get sex out of me. They think telling me how they want my body is some rare incredible offer. You know what would actually impress me though? If they offered their FRIENDSHIP. Now THAT'S a rare and meaningful offer. Instead I reach for hugs and all I get is a metaphorical dick in my face.
I should probably eat lunch, if I manage to crawl out of bed after I finish this second cold brew coffee. Grateful today for coffee, I guess. And my bed. And my bathtub. Maybe I'll feel more rested by tomorrow.
1:35 p.m. - 2021-06-22