Reading about neural synchronization. Drinking coffee.
Wish I could feel free the way I did in childhood and young adulthood. The world feels more dangerous now than it did then. I'm not sure how much of that is an illusion of aging, but we are in a pandemic, among other things. Many other things.
But! I am a resilient survivor. I have everything I need, both inside and outside of myself. I've been extremely lucky. I'm alive and healthy. I have community and I am loved.
A friend shared photos of us together and it made me so happy to know that that connection is mutual. I was also invited to a couple things this weekend by some other friends but I don't know exactly what to say. I want to ask if there will be masks but it's a bbq so probably not?
I don't want to have to explain my vaccine health issue again because I always feel like I'm on trial and have to repeat my doctor's advice a few times to them to get them to stop assuming I'm a covidiot, and it's exhausting. I'm surprised anyone would think I'm an anti vaxxer since I've taken so many vaccines and have no fear of needles and am educated and the opposite of anything resembling republicanism, but I still always have to explain what happened to me at least three times before they really listen and have to underscore my doctor's recommendation repeatedly and make it very clear that I WANT to be fully vaccinated, but that I was one of the rare unlucky cases who experienced a RARE dangerous reaction, which is in no way a criticism of the vaccine nor a political statement.
So until science finds another option for me, masks are my only defense, and I am clinging to them for dear life. I already legally can't go indoors anywhere in town which is fine because I'm not trying to get sick. For now, it's okay. I order everything delivery and take every precaution.
And one thing I definitely won't do is attend a party where people aren't masked, no matter how much I miss my friend.
11:36 a.m. - 2021-09-03