Today I did a lot of dancing, crosswords, vr games, and cleaning.
I'm still very uncomfortable about the stalker but I'm hoping that since I didn't hear from her for 10 years until now, maybe she'll leave me alone for at least another 10. God, that letter really rubbed me the wrong way. What on earth was she thinking? Am I safe?
Dance is very hard. I can't believe I used to perform on a stage. I was militant and consistent about practice then, and had goals and dreams which I accomplished and am satisfied with that. So much has changed. Communities shifted, moved, had kids, changed careers, etc. Some still remain. Some don't but stay in touch over great distances. Time is strange.
I'm trying out totally different dance genres than before, so maybe that's part of the difficulty. But it's a fun challenge and prevents me from sitting all day and getting depressed. It's something to do.
I've been out of nature for two days and I already want to go back. The air was so good... The trees, the water, the wild animals, everything, amazing. I feel like a kid again in nature. Everything feels right with the world when I'm outside. I could really stay out there all day every day.
I did not have weed today. I'm running low and I don't feel like buying more so maybe I'll just quit cold turkey and save the few I have left for later when I'm suffering in pain.
I need to email my doctor again but I don't feel like it right now.
Last night I dreamed about my most abusive ex from over a decade ago who I never dream about. I can't remember much but he went missing or something, and his mom and some blonde girl he was dating couldn't find him, but for some reason I knew exactly where he went, so I went there to tell him that everyone was looking for him. I said I didn't tell anyone his whereabouts because I figured he didn't want them to know. He appreciated that, and respectfully fist bumped me, and I was like 'yeah no problem' and I left. I think he was on a plane in So Cal, or going there. It was a brief and surprisingly respectful exchange. The vibe was like: 'I know more than they do about you, but I won't get involved, but your girlfriend is looking for you, so do with that knowledge what you will, and you go your way and I'll go mine.' Probably the best dream I've had with him in it.
I always was very good at knowing where to find him even when he lied. Not just with him though. I have a superpower when I love someone. I feel when they're lying, and when they mislead by omission. My accuracy is astounding. I always knew when I'd get that sinking feeling in my gut. It would lead me straight to them. I don't know how I'd know, but I always did, without any clues. It isn't my favorite superpower, because I didn't always enjoy having my worst suspicions confirmed. But the sooner I know the truth the faster I move on, so in the end it's good for me I guess.
8:51 p.m. - 2021-09-24