Another day another zero dollars.
My building has a fancy new "virtual doorman" because the intercom wasn't good enough I guess? Worked fine for me, but there's been package thieves since always and periodically homeless people nap in the lobby. Neither of these ever affected me personally, other than a stolen package which was insured and replaced anyway. But now I have to learn a complicated new annoying app and half the advertised features don't work. Whatever. People like to complicate life. "Progress" I think they call it.
I sound like a grumpy old man.
So my maximum security prison is even more secure now. My building looks nice on the outside, so I can't blame outsiders for thinking we're living in luxury up here. If only they knew how tiny our studios are and that many of us are actually below poverty line. Hilarious.
But it's the only place small enough that I was (barely) able to afford to own. People think this magically solves the problems of renting, like I can't be evicted (I can) or like I won't lose my home if I can't afford to pay the monthly mortgage. It's not free? The only difference is I'm in debt for life, *I* have to pay when things break, and I can't move on a whim. But I can paint the walls. Woo. Also, if I can't make a payment one month and can't sell before that, I'll be VERY fucked. The only benefit of owning here is if I sell and move to like ... South Dakota. But then I'd be trapped for eternity in South Dakota.
It's like how some of my friends assume you have to be rich or have rich parents to afford college. I was low income so my schooling was entirely federally funded. Maybe they made too much money to qualify? *Shrug* It wasn't easy, but I didn't have time to complain. I worked full time and did school full time and lived in section 8 projects and had an extremely tight budget, and no fun ever. But I got my degree and got out of there. I even graduated early. Yes it was horribly uncomfortable and hard. But I did it.
Now I really sound like a grandpa. "In my day..."
None of my grandparents had college degrees though. My parents actively discouraged going to college. They wanted me to stay living at home in my small town forever. They didn't give me a dime because they didn't have a dime. I never had insurance. They never once took me to a doctor.
So I rebelled the only way I could -- by getting a masters degree. Not that I use it. Ha! But I like that I have one. It was an accomplishment to prove to myself that I could do better than my mom did. Proof that I didn't need to drop out and spend the rest of my life bitter for giving up everything to play house slave to a man and kids.
So I have one less thing to be bitter about and some reassurance that I won't become my mother. She wasn't all bad though. People loved her. She was beautiful and charismatic and fun and soooo artistically skilled. She sacrificed everything to raise me right. It didn't go unnoticed by me. I just wish she had given herself the same care that she gave me so that she wouldn't be where she is now: mentally insane, homeless, and rejected by everyone close to her. It's such a shitty tragic ending. Where is her reward for being a wife and mother? Where is the respect she deserved? And why have I been so unsuccessful at saving her? :..(
8:53 a.m. - 2021-09-26