I'd been stuck in such a depression puddle lately, but today I pushed myself to dance, briefly, but still. M texted to remind me to eat, which of course I hadn't, so I thanked him (and secretly cried a little because someone cares). I immediately ate. Then I watched videos on MedCircle about having a toolkit, a list of several comforting or mindful things to do, before resorting to drinking or whatever other coping mechanisms we rely on. Little things, like a hot bath, foot massage, meditation, dance, singing, whatever you enjoy, that may not seem like much, but if you have these options visibly accessible during a bad day, you can try some things on the list to help shift your mindset just enough to keep your head above water. I needed this reminder. MedCircle is great. I subscribe to their youtube on Feedly but forgot it existed. It's free therapy for when you can't will your body to get out from under a blanket! My brain enjoyed the pep talks, and I like the interview style they do with different therapists.
Probably gonna risk my life in a few days to see M even though omicron is still raging. I'll test him first, but it's still risky if he was exposed at work, since I still only have one dose of pfizer in me and I'm sure it's mostly worn off. Now that we have a peer reviewed study that cannabinoids prevent covid from adhering to cells, obviously I'll be having some of that and hoping it has the same effect outside a petri dish, since other options are severely limited for me. I'll order full spectrum ghee again, which tricks me into cooking, calms my nerves, and offers at least some protection from covid hopefully. My thc gummies won't do shit because they don't contain any of the other healthy cannabinoids and terpenes. I also finally emailed my doctor again (regarding how the eff I'm supposed to stay alive since my immune system violently rejects vaccines. jesus hates me!) so I eagerly await her advice. An overactive immune system is to blame, so perhaps one dose produced a shit ton too many antibodies and that's why I suffered three months longer than everyone else I know. That's my hope anyway, because I don't think another week of isolation is a good idea for me right now, psychologically. I'm counting on you, antibodies.
I wrote this at 4:20 hur hurr.
4:20 p.m. - 2022-01-20