I directly confronted the guy friend, and I'm glad I did, instead of silently seething at his behavior. We have a mutual friend so I thought it'd be easier to resolve this than let it fester and be awkward next time we're in a room together. It was taking more emotional energy being passively bothered by it than it took to be vulnerable and work it out. And he responded very honestly and vulnerably too, so I'm glad I approached it that way. So now I can dust off my hands and enjoy the rest of my day knowing that at least one of my problems has been addressed and resolved.
He said I have an aura of confidence that was intimidating to him at first. Hilarious. I feel like the least intimidating person on earth. I feel like my energy is more like "please don't kill me! i'll tell jokes! i'll smile and not cause you any trouble but please just don't kill me!" Maybe I should just introduce myself that way from now on to reduce confusion. "Hi, I'm _____, and I have ptsd and social anxiety and a phobia of anything with a dick, so please don't harm me, sorry in advance, thanks!"
I think my spirit animal is the axolotl. Small, silly, weird, vulnerable, shy, cute in an unconventional alien sort of way, near extinction, native to a habitat that no longer exists :(, the last thing you'd expect to survive in a major city, surprisingly resilient despite looking like a total victim. I just now learned that their genome is 10 times larger than the human genome and they can regrow their limbs and eyes and BRAIN after any trauma. Inspiring.
2:37 p.m. - 2022-02-04