I should just end it with him. He's obviously having some issues and I can't do these big dramatic displays anymore. Life is hard enough as it is, and as he pointed out, I'm old.
And he is obviously too young for me. It is what it is.
I always justify it by telling myself I'm just putting up with him because it's pandemic and it's better for my health to cope with someone who can protect me from other men so that I can go outside sometimes, plus he cooks, which helps. But if I have to listen to these comments about age and what his friends think and other women's boobs every day, I'd kinda rather just spend my time elsewhere with someone who isn't trying to project their insecurities onto me every day and then yelling at me if I ask him to be nice. I can find someone else to join me at the park, it's fine.
But I can't say anything until I know he safely made it home, because he could very easily jump off the bridge and I'm trying not to worry about that. I don't know what's in his head right now. Obviously nothing good.
I feel nauseous. But I'm safe, in bed, with cat. Time will pass and the situation will evolve and I'm leaving it to fate because I'm exhausted. I am very much too old.
4:58 p.m. - 2022-02-19