I had a lovely several months. M was loving on me hard, consistently. He was sober, and I felt secure with him.
Until I discovered that he had been cheating on me, leaving other women hanging the same way he did to me, on and off.
A month ago I saw weird texts on his phone which was charging beside me while he used the bathroom. I photographed it. When I asked him about it he said he didn't know who it was. Which was strange because they knew his name... And the texts sounded like it was from someone who definitely knows him.
The texts said "I'm sorry papi," and also addressed him by name, saying: "You knew it was me, why didn't you say nothing?" Then another text. "Call me. U." Then another: "Thought this is someone else's number but I looked on my other phone and it was you." He hadn't replied.
I tried to play it cool, give the benefit of the doubt. I playfully called him "papi" teasingly, to diffuse the tension.
A month later it was still secretly nagging at me because his explanation made no sense. So I texted the number. She ignored my text for a week, then finally said it was a wrong number. So I asked, "How did you know his name?"
No reply.
The next day M blew up my phone, blaming me for losing his job that day, even though I hadn't texted him. I never told him I texted the other woman, so maybe she texted him about it? He was agitated all weekend about something. Days earlier I'd asked "did you cheat on me, yes or no" and he ignored my question, then days later went off on a belligerent pity rampage with suicide threats on my phone at 5am rambling about how he hates everything and everyone. His alcoholism relapsed. I am also being blamed for that.
I'd love peace of mind. But no rational explanation was given to how she knows his name. I got tired of waiting for an answer to my simple yes or no question.
But I received heartfelt texts from friends with good timing. I have to attend a social thing soon, so I have motivation to keep it together and smile. I suppose I should get tested for stds now?
I comfort myself by thinking that if he seeks comfort in other women in my absence, they can financially help him, instead of me. They can have the chronic bridge-burning-jobless alcoholic unstable version of him. They can clean up after him. They can be blamed for his bad choices. Maybe I'm just crazy, but if there's a rational explanation, seems like I'd have received it by now?
Not an ideal time to be alone, while I'm being aggressively stalked, but it's easy to find other people to do things with. I'll be fine. I sleep well at night. My conscience is clear.
Maybe when the dust of his latest work drama clears, when he finds yet another new job, and if he chooses sobriety again, then maybe at that point we'll be able to have some sort of communication. But in his current state, best to leave him for women who are stupider than I am. See if they enjoy this side of him. I'm off duty.
11:13 a.m. - 2022-08-02