Thursday: The sea fog felt like I was floating through a blurry dreamscape.
Friday: Woke myself up screaming. How goth, to release bloodcurdling banshee screams in the darkness. Such passion escapes my soul at night while the world sleeps. He chokes on his own tongue when sleeping, depriving his brain of oxygen. I scream from my subconscious depths to release demons back to the underworld. We are not the same.
I wish to experience a fully sovereign womens nation in my lifetime. Or at least fully women-led. Women lawmakers and judges and press. One nation under Goddess... We could bring back oracles too. So badass. Ancient Minoan women did death-defying acrobatics topless on the backs of sacred bulls, instead of just abusing them like the patriarchal bullfights of today. Lets normalize beekeeping priestesses again, and worship trees and sacred fruit. Lets live in harmony with nature. Let's raise our children in safe women-run temples adorned with lapiz lazuli, as the first civilizations did. Let's...
* dissociates *
Saturday: Bombs randomly go off in my neighborhood all the time, and it takes awhile to calm my racing heart. But it jolts me out of unhelpful thought loops and returns me to the present moment! Bomb therapy.
Sunday: Nightmares. By morning, a surprise rain washed tensions away. I spent yesterday in a pleasant cleaning trance so I awoke to a sparkling clean nest. Then put on my softest sweater which smells of sweet frankincense. Nian and I visited open houses and I fell in love with a tri-level loft with the iron spiral staircase of my dreams and a private rooftop overlooking the bay and an entire wall of windows 3 stories tall! Fuck. All this can be mine -- IF I am willing to cohabitate and kiss my autonomy goodbye. Terrifying, yet tempting. Should I? This shouldn't be a hard decision, considering that I live in a Tokyo-sized sardine can, but for me, it is. I love my sardine can. It is small but mighty, just like me.
Monday: The indigenous Yurok people believe that moon-time is when a woman is at the height of her powers, a time when one shouldn't be burdened with mundane tasks or social distractions, nor should one’s concentration be broken by concerns with the opposite sex. They believe all women's periods were synced with the moon in ancient times. If a woman ever fell out of synchronization, she would get back in by sitting in the moonlight and talking to the moon, asking it to balance her.
Beautiful!
12:23 p.m. - 2022-09-15