I kind of want to tell a couple of my old friends about R's death, but I don't want to depress them, and both the people I long to confide in have their own grief to contend with, so I keep saying nothing. I don't know how to text someone out of the blue like, "hi, R died." I don't need sympathy. But I feel like they should know what's going on in my life so they don't get mad that I've been silent. I also don't want to trigger or worsen whatever they may be going through, or make them feel obligated to provide emotional labor which I am fine without. So probably what will happen is I will wait until they contact me and then drop the bomb, which might be worse. I don't know why I need to tell anyone at all. But when I don't tell people things, the assumptions are way worse than the reality. So maybe I should.
1:50 p.m. - 2022-11-03