A person I have admired for many years surprised me by having a mental health crisis bad enough to be hospitalized for a month. She's an older musician and social activist who I always wished was my mom because she seemed so sane and stable.
Which makes me wonder: When everyone is having a mental crisis at the same time, how am I to determine who is "healthy" company, and who is "toxic" ?
Men in my life would say they're all toxic, ignore them all, it's an illness of mine if I say so much as hello to a person less healthy than me. But that attitude is like emotional capitalism. To see someone suffering and say, 'fuck her, your life is more valuable than this person's life.' That's dehumanizing. That's beyond boundaries. That's called psychopathy.
'Ignore the poor, ignore the ill, you're above them, there's something wrong with you if you interact, in fact you're probably codependent!'
But now EVERYONE I KNOW is struggling with some form of mental illness. So what now?
Even the guy who blames everyone's mental illness and death on supposed female codependence, is mentally ill himself (obviously.) He suffers severe depression and anxiety. R died of it. M's extreme moods fluctuate faster than covid variants. O harassed me online about his suicidal ideation even though I barely know him. My brother is on meth and somehow that's my fault. Men who I met ONCE have penned essays about their minor predicaments as if I am some sort of female savior. A woman I barely met last decade stalked me this year because she felt I owed her my body? Not too many acquaintances left who aren't depressed or anxious or grieving or had at least one breakdown.
So then who is left? Who ISN'T crazy?
Does my friend really think it's healthier to rot here waiting for some elusive mentally invincible being who doesn't exist in reality? In the short term maybe so, I don't know. But I don't think it's a realistic long term view, unless you want to burn a bridge every time you discover someone is less than perfect and actually human. I don't know.
If you are hostile, I'm gone. But if you need help I can help. It's no sweat off my back to share my blessings. It feels good to care. I don't lose myself by showing compassion. If empathy hurts then maybe you're doing it wrong?
1:58 p.m. - 2022-11-25